A Day Like Few Others

I went to bed at close to 4 am sunday morning, right after i wrote my last blog. Church at 9am made me a little tired but i showed up on time and surprisingly already feeling like I was gonna bear my testimony (stake conference is next week). The first girl gets up and it's one of my good friends in the ward. She told the ward about her mom getting breast cancer and working through that. I knew a lot of the details as I had given her a blessing a week prior and so was pretty touched. I waited a while, listened to my cousin Michael give his testimony, and then got up.

I started with:

"I don't really know what i'm doing with this whole calling business." And it all just kind of turned to tears from there. I whispered half my testimony of faith, being qualified despite our inadequacies, and humility. It wasn't dignified and maybe a little bit embarrassing. I made it through the rest of church rather subdued, ate, went to choir, started homework, went to talk to the bishop about church callings and other business, got a text asking if I'd come home teach an apartment of girls who hadn't seen their home teachers in a while. I really like this group of girls so i was glad too. Half way through our chat, one of the sweetest and strongest girls in our ward asked this question:

"What if the first vision was a delusion or psychotic break by Joseph? What if he just thought it was real?"

..........

That represents the stunned silence immediately following that question.

So I went to work addressing every part of that issue I could think of, faith to facts, religion to science, rhetoric and logic, but mostly my simple knowledge that it was true. I felt pretty helpless. This is a girl who grew up in the church, served a mission, and was currently working in the MTC. I all but knew that there had to be something else causing the sudden confusion in her life. We eventually got around to the real issue and it was a whole lot of really sad family trouble. But it was an hour and half of just plain hardness. I think she'll be okay though.

So i went home, realizing I had to start thinking about completely redoing home teaching. I got a a call a few minutes later; sick friend in the ward needs a blessing. So I head over to a guys apartment, extend a few callings and bring one with me to give a blessing. I head to ward prayer a little bit after and extend a few more callings.

At 9:15, I hit a wall. Few times in my life have i felt so completely overwhelmed and helpless; what a combination. So I went to bed, not knowing what else to do.

Here's the real reason I wrote this. Rarely do I need people in my life in the sense that I just need to talk to someone or need to have someone be there with me or for me. But that night it would have helped. I didn't really know how to go about.... um needing someone? or asking for help or stuff orrrr whatever. Luckily someone asked and kept asking and gave me enough chances to say yes.

This was a big deal for me and it made a big difference. And i'm real grateful for my whole day experience but mostly that someone helped when i needed it... because I just don't know how to do that sort of thing on my own.

I know this was gay. Leave me a lone