There's a reason I don't keep my pimp hand strong

When I was in high school, I used to have the saying that I was a player with out the play... so pretty much just an Er. See the reason for this was that I couldn't settle down with any girls but I never really did anything... like most of the girls I never even kissed. Because ya see, the first couple times I did kiss a girl and wasn't sure i wanted to date her, it got real messy. She was all emoting all over the place and i was like uhhh my bad and she was like how could you do this to me and i was like didn't we discuss this before?

the one productive thought from all that was that girls can't be trusted. Just kidding. It was that girls follow logic and are very reasonable up until the moment you give them something that will emotionally bulldoze said logic and reason.

So i thinks to myself... maybe if i just don't kiss these girls (and other physical forms of affection) then i can really get to know if i like these girls. I should be able to flirt, be there for them, and share awesome things without any trouble.

That didn't work much better.

My whole game plan through high school was to be upfront and honest, that way i couldn't be blamed for anything. If a girl thought she could change me, I let her think that and if she ended up hurting her own feelings, I couldn't be blamed could I?

Anyway, I'm already tiring of the topic. The point is we people have hurt feelings, it doesn't really matter if it's my fault or not because i'm involved. This was the lesson i learned in high school and why i've never been a player.

Still, from time to time in my adult life, I kiss some girls (because when it rains it pours, what am i supposed to do about it?) and inevitably, no matter what i do, I end up the bad guy in every situation. Listen, i'm not condoning my kisses. Half the time there's no point and never is there any really satisfaction.

But for instance, i stopped one girl before we kissed and I said "are you sure you want to do this?" she pulled her face away and about a minute later put her face right back where we were a lips distance away. Come on, you can only expect so much from me.

Another girl came over at 1:30 in the morning to watch a movie with me. I didn't think it was a good idea to kiss her but she certainly put herself in the position to make it hard for me to refuse.

Both of these girls seem to think I tricked them somehow, believe that they "let their guard down" or felt used. Excuse me? Truthfully, if anyone was used, it was me. In these two examples, I had clearly told both of these girls long before that I wasn't interested in a relationship with either. One had even kissed my cousin (not that I care) and the other had kissed one of my friends (again, not that I care), both fairly recently. One was even trying to get over a boy (what girl isn't?), so who was the used one? Just because it doesn't hurt my feelings, doesn't mean it isn't the reality.

Anyway. My plan for the last few years has been to not just kiss girls. Sometimes i'm really good at it. Other times, I suck at life. This was one of those times. I think through the logic of it all, how honest and careful I was, how i tried to make sure that nothing happened that was gonna hurt a girls feelings... but a wise man knows that their are many a diverse and sundry ways to displease a woman.

Their's no vindication in a situation like this. And so i'm just left feeling sorry. Sorry that people get their feelings hurt (and sorry that i get blamed, lets be honest). And so... these lips are going back to celibacy. Time to wait for a special gal. Happy mom? you were right allllll along. whoopidy do!

No but seriously. It's not worth it. Especially because i'm always preaching the message to girls to make guys treat them better.

I'm the new straight gay friend every girl wants.

that was gonna be my ending, but i just had thought about only being relevant when someone is in trouble. I get tired of that! I can always tell when someone is fighting with their girlfriend or boyfriend or best friend, because suddenly someone who i haven't talked to in forever appears in my life again, only to be gone again right when things settle down. I'd think of some sad analogies and metaphors but i think you all get the point. Oh well.